Got to the gym early today so I could watch the Phils hopefully end Rocktober (what a dumb slogan). As you know I've hit a real dead spot these last few weeks in the weight loss area even though I hadn't changed my diet at all. Although I was bummed by the lack of loss, I was not deterred and I stuck to my guns. Well it certainly paid off at weigh in tonight.
Tonight's weigh in: 275! That was a 7 lb loss for the week!! It brings the total to 47 lbs, only 3 lbs away from the half way mark of 50 lbs!!! WOOO HOOOO!!!!
It was certainly welcomed news after a what can only be described as a horribly gut-wrenching weekend for me. Lots of TylenolPM was needed to get any sleep. Maybe I'll share it with you in a later post, it will depend on whether or not it starts to ruin my daily routine. It was originally my intention to talk about it tonight but I've had second thoughts suddenly, mostly out of respect for a great friend. The last couple of days have been crappy to say the least. After getting punched in the gut(figuratively) early Saturday I had to work for about 4 hours, which as I said before my jobs sucks when I've got bad thoughts in my head. Well it held true, it was a miserable 4 hours. By the end of the day, I had pretty much figured that I was gonna go out and end my latest sobriety streak and get HAMMERED! I really didn't want to feel what I was feeling and alcohol was gonna be my cure. After a long hot shower, my friend was on her way to go out to eat and hang out. I was all dressed and ready so I threw on the fleece and decided to go sit out on the porch to wait for my ride. Somewhere in that five minute wait on the porch I asked myself how getting wasted tonight would change the situation. Sure maybe Saturday night would have become a blur and I might have forgotten my problem. As well, I probably would have fallen asleep without TylenolPM, but I was gonna have to get up Sunday and confront my problem whether I got drunk or not. When my ride showed I really was unsure how the evening would turn out when I got into her car. I am very happy to report that I abstained! Somewhere in that night I decided I was gonna end the pattern of behavior that has kept me down for so long, this time I was gonna get up off the canvas after this latest ass kicking and fight off the depression that typically has followed moments like this.
Big thanks to Jen this week, you shouldn't have had to deal with my crap Saturday, you had plenty of crap to deal with that weekend. I should have been better company, sorry.
A MAJOR corner was turned this weekend, and even though I am sad, I am proud of the change in me that came from this sadness. I know that I am no longer connecting my emotions to alcohol. Also I found out that there is a lot more fight in me now and that I am SURE that I'm getting to 220!!!!!!!
