There isn't a whole lot to report this week, yeah I know I said I was gonna report every week but I was way to sick to sit up long enough to post last week. If you have caught any of my posts on Facebook, then you know that I was sick, and I mean REAL sick. It all started when I got home from work Friday night two weeks ago; when I went to bed I was exhausted and not in a normal way. During the night I began to get what I describe as the chills, I was cold and shaking even though I felt feverish. This kept me awake most of the night and when I finally fell asleep it was lights out and I woke up late Saturday afternoon. When got up that next day, I was very wobbly and would get light-headed within minutes of standing up. So spent most of the day and the next couple of days laying in bed with fevers, clammy sweating spurts, headaches, etc.
Several doctor appointments, blood tests, one ER visit, and two weeks later I am starting to feel better. Unfortunately, there is no real lead as to who the culprit was that sent me through two weeks of hell. Blood tests and chest x-ray have removed Lyme Disease and Pneumonia as possibilities and the test on West Nile Virus is still pending. I am returning to the family doctor for a follow up, Monday, on the latest round of blood work, with the possibility of going to an infectious diseases specialist to follow.
The "tongue-in-cheek" good news is that I weighed in at 247 at my last doctor appointment. SO I have lost 15 pounds in two weeks and I'm only 5 pounds away from my previous low. I call it joking news because I know that it's a false loss. I was sick and not eating, I had no appetite and was probably a little dehydrated so that number will likely increase as I get better. I have already noticed that my appetite is returning slowly. With any luck I can keep it to a low 250 until I regain my strength and get back into the gym.
Being hurt or sick is really starting to wear me a little thin. I'm trying to stay positive and I keep telling myself that I'll get back to my routine soon, but it really feels like someone is standing over me and just clubbing me with a bat every time I try to get back up from each one of these ordeals. I don't know what's next, I've been emotionally crush, physically broken and now sick as hell there's not left to attack.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Friday, July 30, 2010
The Project: RELOADED
After FINALLY getting medically cleared last Friday, and another trip to OCMD, it was time to get back on the horse that is Project Downsize Duff. Unfortunately, with that medical clearance came the inevitable return to work, BOOOO work. I've decided to rename the blog because it's how I see this new chapter of my journey (and it's a cheesy rip-off of the Matrix's second movie title). I have strayed from my path and need refocusing. More to the point, I am going to go back to writing every week so it is kind of like I am starting over, except I'm sixty pounds lighter this time. I do not know if it is mere coincidence or not but since I went to randomly reporting on my progress things have slowed and regressed. Yes, I have the concussion to thank for two months of inactivity, but that doesn't explain me filling the back seat with fast food bags over the past couple of months. Maybe this blog really was keeping on the straight and narrow by forcing me to account for my progress or lack of it every week. Without out this outlet, maybe I drove by a McD's and thought "Meh, who care's if I gain a pound or two this week I just won't write about it and they'll never know." Well, I have let myself go sideways for long enough so I've reloaded the project and plan to begin anew. The goals and promises are the same, I'm gonna lose 100 lbs and I'm gonna tell you all about it. Hopefully, it helps us all stay focused on our future.
So The Project: RELOADED got off to a slow start, I totally overslept Monday morning and missed Spin class, but never fear I did manage to get to the gym and do a little of what I do. I am still in caution mode at the gym. As per the advice of the neurologist I am avoiding heavy lifting, there is too much of an internal pressure build up when going heavy and the last time I tried to lift more than light weight I got really woozy (medical term :D) and spent that next day feeling bad. So no 1000 lb leg presses for a bit longer, instead I am trying to concentrate on light weights and controlled range of motion type stuff. Also as much as I can handle, I am trying to get back into my full cardio regiment which is mostly Spin-Run-Spin. I was so happy to get back into my cycling shoes and into class. It was great to see the familiar faces that I had missed over the last two months. Now I'm not gonna lie, I felt out of shape real quick, and needed to back off a lot more than I thought I would in order to get through the class. This should have been expected but it still did dent the ego. I believe that I had become one of the stronger riders in the classes I attend and it was hard to believe that on two months off took that much away. Maybe I'm being a little too hard on myself.
It was definitely a little more difficult getting back into my routine than I had thought. Between the continuous battery lifting at work and my trying to get back to normal gym levels, I managed to wear myself down pretty quick by mid-week. I assumed that I could get back into my routine quickly but I guess it's gonna take a little more patience than I had hoped. From a diet stand-point I did pretty well going back to my 6 meals a day eating routine. I had a couple small cheats but they were more because of the lack of energy I felt from maybe overdoing things.
As a result of this decent restart I managed to drop 2 pounds from Monday morning when I weighed in after Spin today. My current weight is 262, which makes for a total loss of 60 since the beginning. Yes, I have gained 20 pounds since the beginning of May, but we're not gonna look back and bemoan these past three months. Much of what happened was out of my control so we won't mention the gain anymore. I'm 42 pounds from the my goal, let's restart there!
So The Project: RELOADED got off to a slow start, I totally overslept Monday morning and missed Spin class, but never fear I did manage to get to the gym and do a little of what I do. I am still in caution mode at the gym. As per the advice of the neurologist I am avoiding heavy lifting, there is too much of an internal pressure build up when going heavy and the last time I tried to lift more than light weight I got really woozy (medical term :D) and spent that next day feeling bad. So no 1000 lb leg presses for a bit longer, instead I am trying to concentrate on light weights and controlled range of motion type stuff. Also as much as I can handle, I am trying to get back into my full cardio regiment which is mostly Spin-Run-Spin. I was so happy to get back into my cycling shoes and into class. It was great to see the familiar faces that I had missed over the last two months. Now I'm not gonna lie, I felt out of shape real quick, and needed to back off a lot more than I thought I would in order to get through the class. This should have been expected but it still did dent the ego. I believe that I had become one of the stronger riders in the classes I attend and it was hard to believe that on two months off took that much away. Maybe I'm being a little too hard on myself.
It was definitely a little more difficult getting back into my routine than I had thought. Between the continuous battery lifting at work and my trying to get back to normal gym levels, I managed to wear myself down pretty quick by mid-week. I assumed that I could get back into my routine quickly but I guess it's gonna take a little more patience than I had hoped. From a diet stand-point I did pretty well going back to my 6 meals a day eating routine. I had a couple small cheats but they were more because of the lack of energy I felt from maybe overdoing things.
As a result of this decent restart I managed to drop 2 pounds from Monday morning when I weighed in after Spin today. My current weight is 262, which makes for a total loss of 60 since the beginning. Yes, I have gained 20 pounds since the beginning of May, but we're not gonna look back and bemoan these past three months. Much of what happened was out of my control so we won't mention the gain anymore. I'm 42 pounds from the my goal, let's restart there!
Monday, July 12, 2010
No more excuses
Yeah okay, so I was talking to this girl last week at the gym and I had something smack me in my face (and no it wasn't her right hand).....I've been a bit of a whiney whenker lately. I have been letting this concussion thing bring me down to the point where I'm reverting to old bad habits, not because I cannot control my eating habits but because I've been feeling sorry for myself. She is in my Spin class and is aware of why I haven't been seen in Spin for months now (I miss it so much). We've talked quite a few times these past several weeks when I actually get to go to the gym, and she always asks how my head is doing. We were talking about how I'm holding up and how the weight has been since I've been recovering. I didn't lie, I told her that after Tuesday's ride (ex bike) I got so dizzy that I almost passed out and that I've gained 10-15 pounds since this all started. Then she asked if I was still eating right, again I couldn't lie (this stupid blog has made me open up even to strangers) and said that my general mood has kept me down and I have had a real hard time committing to my diet while I'm laying in bed moping. Her response was pretty much on the lines of, 'seems kind of dumb to give up all the hard work of the past year just because you have to take it easy for a short while.' Now that is my interpretation of her actual words which were more like, 'you should really get back to eating healthy.' I don't know if she meant it as I interpreted it or not but I felt really lame after shelling out another excuse or two as to why I had let go of my control of my diet.
It was very weird, the feeling I had after our conversation that morning. On the ride home I couldn't help but feel like I had disappointed someone who cares about me (don't misread this statement, she is just a girl I know from the gym nothing more but the shame I had was like disappointing your grandfather or someone close). I couldn't shake this feeling and thought about some things for awhile and came to the conclusion that I was disappointment myself. I have been feeling sorry for myself for a long time now; the last several months have not played out the way I was expecting. I think because I had hit such a high point at the end of last year and had the feeling that everything was finally gonna go my way that when everything got flipped upside down I regressed back to the me that really didn't care to much about himself. Here's the thing, my life seems to have been dotted with all these moments that try to keep me from succeeding at whatever I am trying to do. I start to get healthy and a liver issue forces me to stop what I'm doing, I go back to school and my job market gets flooded with experienced job seekers because companies started trimming the fat and I'm told repeatedly that I need job experience, I go on another health mission and I melt down over a girl but this time I use the gym and my goals to fight back and just when the sun starts to shine again a big chunk of steel decides its going to win the battle with my skull and the thing that kept me fighting (the gym) is taken away. I could go on and on with examples but I already sound like I'm whining again. It just feels like everytime I try to better myself, something does it best to keep me down. I've been very aware of this since my concussion and I am sure it has influenced my mood quite a bit, and it has fueled my frustration over the lack of progress in my condition.
Well I'm gonna do my best to stop whining about the situation that I am in. And I am done seeking sympathy or someone to say it's okay to give up until this goes away. I'm pushing through this concussion whether it likes it or not so it might as well just give up. No more eating because I'm bored, no more fast food because I don't care right now, no more boozing it up because it's beach season....I'm going back to being focused like I was in November. The lame excuses are done with.
It was very weird, the feeling I had after our conversation that morning. On the ride home I couldn't help but feel like I had disappointed someone who cares about me (don't misread this statement, she is just a girl I know from the gym nothing more but the shame I had was like disappointing your grandfather or someone close). I couldn't shake this feeling and thought about some things for awhile and came to the conclusion that I was disappointment myself. I have been feeling sorry for myself for a long time now; the last several months have not played out the way I was expecting. I think because I had hit such a high point at the end of last year and had the feeling that everything was finally gonna go my way that when everything got flipped upside down I regressed back to the me that really didn't care to much about himself. Here's the thing, my life seems to have been dotted with all these moments that try to keep me from succeeding at whatever I am trying to do. I start to get healthy and a liver issue forces me to stop what I'm doing, I go back to school and my job market gets flooded with experienced job seekers because companies started trimming the fat and I'm told repeatedly that I need job experience, I go on another health mission and I melt down over a girl but this time I use the gym and my goals to fight back and just when the sun starts to shine again a big chunk of steel decides its going to win the battle with my skull and the thing that kept me fighting (the gym) is taken away. I could go on and on with examples but I already sound like I'm whining again. It just feels like everytime I try to better myself, something does it best to keep me down. I've been very aware of this since my concussion and I am sure it has influenced my mood quite a bit, and it has fueled my frustration over the lack of progress in my condition.
Well I'm gonna do my best to stop whining about the situation that I am in. And I am done seeking sympathy or someone to say it's okay to give up until this goes away. I'm pushing through this concussion whether it likes it or not so it might as well just give up. No more eating because I'm bored, no more fast food because I don't care right now, no more boozing it up because it's beach season....I'm going back to being focused like I was in November. The lame excuses are done with.
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