Wow I'm just sitting here staring at a blank blog, thinking about everything that happened over the past year, the incredible highs and the lowest low, and I'm starting to feel a little overwhelmed.....
One year ago this weekend was the last weekend of an old life that had me on the brink of all the bad diseases; heart, diabetes, etc and likely leading to a short exit from this life. THREE HUNDRED and TWENTY-TWO pounds is what I weighed, I wore size 50 pants, my bloodwork had me teetering on the edge of the "danger zone" for all those health factors, and I was, to say the least, apathetic about life. I had given up on finding those things many people have by this stage in their lives; the girl, the job, the family, the house. I spent my free time in bars and restaurants, mostly alone, filling up the empty time with things that numbed my soul. I don't know how my life had evolved to this point because its not who I ever intended on being.
Then a trip to the beach with a great girl and friend made me realize how pathetic and lazy I had become. Her energy, her drive and her determination to make herself better made me wonder why I couldn't change my path. So I went back to the gym for the first time in almost 8 years; the first thing I did was step on the scale and that is when I hit the "rock bottom" point that made me decide something finally had to change. I cannot even describe the punch in the gut feeling I had when the scale flashed back in it's red digital numbers "3 2 2." After stewing over this outrageous number, I made the decision to lose 100 pounds and Project Downsize Duff began in my mind. The idea to lose 100 pounds by my birthday and weigh 220 on 2/20 was a clever play on numbers and the fact that I was 33 weeks away from that birthday (3lbs per week =100). Where the idea came from to create this blog and let you all along for the ride, I really don't know. I had never written a blog before, hell I didn't even read blogs, but I am so glad I did. This blog, because it created an amazing amount of support and inspiration, carried me through some really difficult patches. My intentions were strictly selfish when I decided to write this blog, I wanted to make myself accountable for my goal. It's one thing to say you're gonna do something to yourself or family and friends, but put it out there for anyone to see and you add a little pressure to actually get it done. The unexpected result of inspiring some of you to start your own Project truly has been one of the more amazing by-product of all of this. I wish you all well and continued success!
Obviously, the entire year was not all filled with rainbows and cotton candy. The results I have had (current weight 254 - 68 pounds lost) have come from some seriously hard work both on the diet and fitness end. Sacrifices have been made to separate me from the former life that was pulling me down. There are friends that I don't get to see nearly as much as I use to because I've needed to lessen my exposure to the environments that nurtured my apathy. It is not to say I have enjoyed this aspect of "the new Duff" but I understand it, but I struggle with it more than you all know. I do not completely isolate myself from those places, I just visit them much less frequently. Improving yourself nutritionally and physically is simply a decision to change your lifestyle and sometimes it hurts to do it.
I've learned some valuable lessons along the way. The biggest of them all is that even though I opened myself up to you all and bared some feelings without care about how you thought of me; a blog is no place to take personal pot-shots at anyone for any reason. Boy, I had to learn this lesson the hardest way; I managed to completely destroy a friendship to an incredible girl whom I have (yes I said "have" not "had" and I mean it too) such incredible feelings for via my misuse of this blog and my inability to control some intense anger that when I thought about it, ad nauseum, I understood that I was angry at life and not her. Although I've never wanted nothing more than to pursue a relationship with her, but I would rather just be a friend to her than have been completely cut out of each other's lives. Even though I will regret that blog entry forever, I have learned from it, I have grown from it, and I will never make that same mistake again. I managed to come out of that entire mess with a different perspective on what I want.
Hopefully, this next year will be equally as crazy, I mean who likes boring? My number one goal is still to get to 220. Since I am currently in idle due to the concussion stuff that I'm still dealing with, I am not setting a time-frame, but 220 by 2/20 sure sounds good :)!!! Another goal I am setting is to run a full Olympic triathlon (1 mi swim, 24 mi bike, 6 mi run), but I'll start small and do a Sprint version first. First we need to regain our health, the post-concussion symptoms are still there. They come and go, I have a good couple of days followed by a bad day or two. Somehow I have to remain patient and let this all go away....somehow.
Thank you all for being on this ride together with me, its been fun, its been sad, its been crazy, but most of all its been helpful!
DUFF
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