Sorry, there'll be no drama in this week's edition of the blog. I think I've learned my lesson last week what I should and shouldn't share with you all here. It took a long time for me to settle down and snap out of that mess, I am not completely over what transpired but I'm slowly putting it behind me. I am sorry that any of you had to read that, if you know me even the slightest bit you know that is not who I am. I don't know if I had ever been that angry before, ever and afterward I was so upset at myself. There was so much hurt and disappointment in how I felt immediately following her email that I just let hate fly. I really felt different about this girl, to me there was a connection with her that I can't explain other than to say that everything felt right when I was with her or talking to her. I guess it was a one sided feeling, oh well, there's no point in dwelling on it anymore cuz I'm pretty sure I've torched that bridge forever.
As for the weigh in, I came in at 258 this week which is a pound lighter than last. Not a real surprise since I spent the better part of the week laying in bed moping over my poor behavior. The grand total at this point is 64 pounds. With 4 more weigh ins before my birthday it is pretty safe to say that I'm not getting to 220 by then. If I could pull off the 240's by 2/20 I would be extremely pleased. Not that I'm disappointed by my progress to this point but I want to keep it in mind that the goal is 220 and not to settle where I am because I'm happy that I dropped the 60+ pounds. The truth is I'm not even close to satisfied with where I'm at. There is still a whole lot squishy from the ribs down to me bum that needs to disappear. Beach season's 4 months away!
Thanks to all of you who posted on Fb, txt'ed, or talked with me during those few really bad days. It is truly great to know that you have people who care about you enough to take time to try to make you feel better when you are at your lowest.
Just a little quote I found -
"Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that is true strength."
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Week 28: Revisited
Weighed in 259. Yippee I broke the 260 barrier.
OK any of you who read this yesterday know what happened. I've taken down that blog post because after sleeping on it I realized that I was very wrong for doing what I did, especially in this arena. What I did yesterday is not the person I am and after having the night to calm down, I am sickened by my actions.
So...
Julie,
I am sorry for lashing out at you here on my blog. I was hurt and angry. Even though I can't take back what I said I can apologize for being an ass. We all do things occasionally because we don't stop to think but rather just react. Obviously I reacted badly and now I am sorry for it. Those things I said about you were spiteful and had no place in this public forum. There was nothing to be gained by saying them except some way of feeling less at fault for whatever happened. I know that we were never in a relationship but it did seem like we were on our way towards one. I guess I will never really understand where things went wrong, but I will grow from this horrible day and be just a little bit better of person tomorrow for it. I don't expect forgiveness for what I did, but I hope you do know that I am sorry.
Sincerely,
Jeff
OK any of you who read this yesterday know what happened. I've taken down that blog post because after sleeping on it I realized that I was very wrong for doing what I did, especially in this arena. What I did yesterday is not the person I am and after having the night to calm down, I am sickened by my actions.
So...
Julie,
I am sorry for lashing out at you here on my blog. I was hurt and angry. Even though I can't take back what I said I can apologize for being an ass. We all do things occasionally because we don't stop to think but rather just react. Obviously I reacted badly and now I am sorry for it. Those things I said about you were spiteful and had no place in this public forum. There was nothing to be gained by saying them except some way of feeling less at fault for whatever happened. I know that we were never in a relationship but it did seem like we were on our way towards one. I guess I will never really understand where things went wrong, but I will grow from this horrible day and be just a little bit better of person tomorrow for it. I don't expect forgiveness for what I did, but I hope you do know that I am sorry.
Sincerely,
Jeff
Monday, January 11, 2010
Week 27:
Now that's more like it!
Weigh in day today and it was a good one! 263 pounds is what the scale tells me I weighed today. Making for a big 7 pound loss this week and brings the total loss to 59 pounds. Hopefully, we can keep a good weight loss pace going now until my birthday. It looks highly unlikely that my lofty goal of 220 by 2/20 will be attainable but if I can manage a 4 pound per week pace I can get into the 230's or at least the 240's. Truthfully though, my sights are set on next week's weigh in because I've been stuck in these 260's for like two and a half months and I'm need to punch through to the 250's.
Now that my first week of life as a 2nd shifter is behind me I feel that I have found a pretty good daily routine that will hopefully keep me getting up early so I don't fall into that "sleeping in" trap that would be so easy to do as a 2nd shifter. I'm struggling getting the 6th meal into my schedule though right now, I may need to set the alarm earlier or something. 8am breakfast, 11am post workout shake, 215pm lunch, 6pm first break, 9pm second break. I hate to eat after work cuz it is so late and I try to eat lunch as late as I can because 1st break is 3 hrs into my workday. When I go longer than 3 hrs between meals I can really feel it so I try to eat lunch as late as I can.
Now as for my little issue from last week, well I haven't heard from her at all now in over a week. :( I've been listening to friends and most tell me that its more important to stay focused on me and whatever caused this "time out" will pass, hopefully. That is what I intend to do, even though it goes against what my heart is telling me. I can't explain how jumbled up I feel.
Weigh in day today and it was a good one! 263 pounds is what the scale tells me I weighed today. Making for a big 7 pound loss this week and brings the total loss to 59 pounds. Hopefully, we can keep a good weight loss pace going now until my birthday. It looks highly unlikely that my lofty goal of 220 by 2/20 will be attainable but if I can manage a 4 pound per week pace I can get into the 230's or at least the 240's. Truthfully though, my sights are set on next week's weigh in because I've been stuck in these 260's for like two and a half months and I'm need to punch through to the 250's.
Now that my first week of life as a 2nd shifter is behind me I feel that I have found a pretty good daily routine that will hopefully keep me getting up early so I don't fall into that "sleeping in" trap that would be so easy to do as a 2nd shifter. I'm struggling getting the 6th meal into my schedule though right now, I may need to set the alarm earlier or something. 8am breakfast, 11am post workout shake, 215pm lunch, 6pm first break, 9pm second break. I hate to eat after work cuz it is so late and I try to eat lunch as late as I can because 1st break is 3 hrs into my workday. When I go longer than 3 hrs between meals I can really feel it so I try to eat lunch as late as I can.
Now as for my little issue from last week, well I haven't heard from her at all now in over a week. :( I've been listening to friends and most tell me that its more important to stay focused on me and whatever caused this "time out" will pass, hopefully. That is what I intend to do, even though it goes against what my heart is telling me. I can't explain how jumbled up I feel.
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